Emotional abuse - how to stop it - and how to break free from the trauma

There were a lot of single women on Valentine's day who felt left out and probably inadequate because they didn't have a man, but then there were a lot of women, like myself, who felt the opposite. We spent the so called most romantic day of the year, thanking our lucky stars we were free from the darkside of the masculine ego. 

For many women relationships with men are fraught with deep unhappiness, either because of physical or emotional abuse, 

Life for a single woman is filled with opportunities. Opportunities that are simply not possible when you are tied to a partner, especially one who thinks their needs should be prioritised over yours. 

Day to day living is full of compromise, in the workplace, at social gatherings, driving, most situations where you interact with people but what it should not be is in your home. Your home as the English say, is your castle; your sanctuary but when you live with someone who turns your sanctuary into a prison, then life can seem like its' not worth living, and life is very much worth living.  

Getting away from an abusive relationship relatively intact is rare, there is always a scar left somewhere either on her body or in her mind or both. Whilst physical scars are a visible reminder of past trauma, emotional scars stay hidden until eventually causing mental or physical problems, such as a nervous breakdown or chronic pain.

There are millions of kind, sweet, gentle, loving men in this world; unfortunately there are millions who are not. If, as I am, you are a survivor of one of the millions who are the not type, then you will understand what I am talking about. 

If you are in a relationship you think it is emotionally abusive here are some indications --

1. Trying to control you.

2. Isolate you by getting rid of your friends and family.

3. Making you feel insecure.

4. Unpredictable.

5. Prioritise their needs over yours.

6. Keep you in the house.

7. You have no privacy.

8. Withdrawing or withholding affection.

9. Belittle - put you down.

10. Blame you for the abuse or arguments.

11. Deny abuse is happening or play it down.

12. Accuse of flirting or having an affair.

13. Threaten to hurt or kill you.

If you can relate to one or more of this behaviour then you are in an emotionally abusive relationship because none of the above should ever happen to you. 

Waking up each morning with a feeling of dread is no way to live. I know this from experience. There is only one solution to an emotionally abusive relationship, and that is to leave. Hoping your partner will change is a foolish dream, it's not going to happen. It is possible your partner has grown up suffering the same abusive as they are perpetuating, and is so programmed to continue they are unable to break free themselves.

Or the abuse is coming from a personality disorder such as Narcissism and Borderline Personality Disorders.

It doesn't matter why the abuser is abusing, what matters is that they are and you are on the receiving end of their abuse.

Don't try to be a therapist - it won't work. Therapy is for professionals - and the chances are if you have been in a long term relationship that was abusive or you are still in that relationship, there is a good chance you need therapy yourself.

Emotional abuse destroys who you are; it takes away from you your authentic self and leaves you with a shell personality that is damaged. There is only one way to regain who you are and that is retrain your brain that you are no longer in a frightening situation and that it can let go and relax. And for this you need help. 

There are some brilliant therapists on Youtube you can check out here are two that I personally use -

Michele Lee Nieves  she has a Youtube channel - which has been really helpful in my healing journey. Below is one of her Youtube videos.

Another therapist who has been instrumental in helping me heal from the emotional abusive I suffered, which has resulted in long term Chronic Pain - is Tanner Murtagh MSW, RSW of the Pain Psychotherapy Canada - who also has a Youtube channel - if like me, you suffer from constant chronic pain that has no physical source that is the pain came without injury, his video A Full Introduction to Neuroplastic Pain is something I urge you to watch, it will go a long way to helping understand your pain, and why you have it. 

As a survivor of an emotionally abusive relationship I am still on my journey back to who I used to be. It's not a short journey, don't think you can just do a few brain retraining exercises and all will be well, it takes time and patience and effort to help your subconscious mind stop being stuck in survival mode, but as I am recovering my physical health and mental stability once more, I can assure you it is worth the journey, no matter how long it takes.