Are you the Wife or the Mistress?

Are you a love cheat?

Or

Are you the one being cheated on?

Given the choice what would you really want to be? I mean who gets the worst deal? The wife or the mistress?

There's nothing modern about infidelity – just the way we approach it.

Thanks to the internet there are hundreds of sites advertising partners looking for a marital affair. The Ashley Madison website for marital cheaters – alone has 54,565,000 members. That's a big wow of a number.

I've known plenty of men who have cheated on their wives. And only one woman who cheated on her husband, and quite frankly he was such a prick, he deserved it. Which was the reason I kept quiet about her relationships – and there were lots of them. Still they are divorced now, so it doesn't matter that I never said anything – right?

Is being the 'other woman' a good deal or the worst of a duplicitous bad bargain?

I suppose on the plus side you don't have to put up with your lover's annoying habits because he's on his best behaviour when he's with you. He leaves the nose picking, and loud farting for when he gets home to wify. Poor cow.

And of course, as a mistress you don't have to worry, if he's seeing another woman. You are the other woman!

But I guess it's no fun having to hide yourself away in case his wife finds out about you. Waiting and hoping he can get away from his wife on a Saturday night, knowing he's most likely not going to show. But making an effort to look sexy anyway, only to waste the effort by spending the evening alone, drowning your sorrows with the TV and your cat. And of course, he's got kids, so Christmas has to be spent with his family. And don't expect him to turn up for your birthday, his family will always be first in the cue.

My wife doesn't understand me, and I would leave her, but I can't at the moment because of …. an excuse…. etc. Is such a load of out-dated crap, surely no one believes that line any more? But I guess somebody must, otherwise there wouldn't be so many people having affairs.

If hiding in dark corners, and waiting around hoping your lover will come over, isn't for you, then maybe neither is being someone's mistress.

That brings me to the professional mistress.

A woman who is someone's mistress purely to enjoy a luxury lifestyle that she wouldn't otherwise have, is she technically a prostitute? She is after all sleeping with a man for money. Surely this sort of mistress is better than the woman who is hoping to end her lover's marriage, and become the next Mrs. so and so?

The professional mistress is not out to wreck anyone's marriage. She merely expects to be rewarded for the sexual expertise, her lover's wife doesn't possess. In all likelihood, she's helping to keep the man in the marriage. And when the affair is over, she says goodbye, happy with her healthy bank balance, and, if she has chosen the right sugar daddy, her own home.

The wolf bitch, to lookout for, is the mistress who wants to become the wife.

And what of the wife? The hurt that is inflicted, when a wife finds out her husband has shared with another woman the same intimacies that he has shared with her, is it possible for her to really forgive and forget?

Won't there always be the lingering doubt that once he's committed adultery, he will probably do it again?

Trust is a precious thing. Break it, and it is not easily mended. You can glue together the cracks, but the cracks will still be there. As will the expectation that the trust will probably be broken again.

Would an 'open' marriage work? Swingers clubs are everywhere. Knowing your husband or wife, is in another room having sex with a stranger, is obviously a turn on for a certain sector of our society. But there is always the possibility that your partner might find a new partner, and go off with them. I lost a very good hairdresser thanks to her and her husbands being swingers. She found her husband very wanting in the bedroom, and left.

In our monogamous culture the perception that marriage is a long term commitment still prevails. Statistics do not hold out much hope for the long term bit of marriage though – an estimate is that between 42% and 45% of marriages will end in divorce – that's almost half of people getting married today. Divorce rates in the UK are on the decline, but I wonder whether this is because the legal cost of a divorce is so expensive.

With many couples choosing not to get married, gathering statistics for those permanent partnerships ending in a split is incalculable, so perhaps the percentage is even higher.

All this doesn't answer the question – wife or lover?

Seems to me, if you cheat in a relationship you are going to get hurt. Unless you are like the professional mistress and am only in the relationship for the money. Keeping love out of sex would seem to be the answer.

Whether you are the one doing the cheating or are the person cheated against – you won't win either way.

So who does win?

The divorce lawyers of course.

What will the cheater and the cheated get out of the situation?

An empty bank balance. Or a broken heart. Or maybe both.

If you are unhappy in your relationship – don't cheat. Leave.

Having been the one cheated on, in a relationship – I choose to see my particular glass as half full, rather than half empty. It's why I have written my Naughty Novellas Series.

As I have said before. Don't get Mad get Even.

I appreciate your reading this article. If you enjoyed my scribbling and don't want to miss my next post. Please hit the subscribe button.