Divorce. Don't Get Mad. Get Even

The number 1 reason for divorce, is due to infidelity. And the percentages are on the side of the man being the one who is unfaithful.

Splitting up with someone you once loved, no matter what anyone says, is never easy. Especially for the side that's being left. Statistics show it is usually the woman who gets dumped by their husbands for another woman.

Ivana Trump, said, “Don't get mad. Get everything.” With rich and powerful men this attitude, never works.

Shredding the guy's clothes, beating the hell out of his limo, is vandalism – not revenge. And puts you, in the wrong. Never put yourself in a position where, anyone, especially that bastard, can point an accusing finger at you.

The best way to get revenge, is an amicable divorce, or at least look like you are feeling amenable, even if what you'd really like to do, is stick an axe in his worthless skull. By amicable, I mean, you get the house, the kids, and of course, being very nice to everyone around you, while making sure he pays for everything.

It goes without saying that you should never slag off your ex, in-front of your children. Kids, although a bargaining chip with the 'other side', should never know they are. Running your ex down, only ever makes you look bad, and is a definite minus on the getting even scale. Do nothing that makes you look really bad in everyone's eyes – leave the bitching to whoever he's run off with.

Besides kids, should not be brought into the middle of any divorce. The battle is between you and him. It's not their divorce – it's yours, they are innocents in the mess he has created. Losing an, everyday parent, is traumatic enough, being piggy in the middle is worse.

Grandparents, on the other hand, are different.

The grandparents, or rather his parents, in all likelihood will be ever so nice to you, especially if you have custody of the children. Remember, his parents will always be on his side, not yours, no matter how much they sympathise with you. They are not your friends, but it is much better to get along with them, as they can, and will influence their son in any divorce proceedings, to suit their own grandparental wishes. I.E not being denied access to their grandchildren. For this reason, they will appear to come out on your side, doing their best to show you that you and they can still have a relationship.

As angry as you have a right to be that his parents are to blame for his selfish behaviour, after all they brought him up, don't let that stop you making use of them as willing unpaid child minders.

Of course, it doesn't hurt to give the impression to everyone, apart from him, that whilst you are deeply hurt, by whatever the reason is, he gives for the break up, you are far too good a person to be in anyway spiteful to him or that bitch queen from hell. The point of the exercise, is to make sure that anyone in the slightest bit interested, should know for certain where the blame lays. With him, and the slut he is leaving you for.

This brings me on to the other woman. You may hate, not only the sight of her, but every inch of ground she walks on, but she, he and all your ex-friends, must never know how much you despise her. The woman who helped wreak your marriage. I say helped, because the louse you were once married to, played his part in the 'affair'.

Friends take sides. They can't help themselves, so the more of your once mutual friends that take your side, the better. Show them you don't need their pity, and always pay much more attention to the women of your group than their husbands. It's not a bad idea to let the wives think you are off men. Possibly thinking of turning gay.

Once you have recovered from the loss of your husband, and you will recover, using the bitch who stole him from you as a glorified babysitter/nanny, is very satisfying. Weekends to yourself without the kids, in the revengeful knowledge she is clearing up after them, and having to put up with their bad behaviour toward her because they have figured out she is the one to blame for the divorce. They won't blame their father, it's the wicked step mother who will get their venom, you can take solace in the gratifying thought that they are making her life miserable, whilst being lovely to daddy. Kids don't need tips on how to manipulate adults – they are naturally good at it.

And, kids are smart, really smart. They know the best way to get trips out, expensive toys, junk food, basically everything they want – is to push the guilt button on daddy, and his girlfriend/new wife.

Having told your off-spring to be behave themselves and not give what's-her-name any grief, you can be sure they will. It is the perfect win win scenario in getting your own back on the cow.

Think of the satisfaction gained from her having a miserable time being nice to his kids, whilst you are enjoying your new found freedom. Take heart that 67% of second marriages fail. And a whopping 73% of third marriage end in divorce.

But maybe the kids like her. Don't let it crush you. You are mum and nothing will change that. Your kids can push your jealousy button just like they push their father's guilt button – to get their own way. Don't let them - it's a rocky road to trouble if you do. Don't change you to your kids. Keep the balance, and stay as you have always been. Your children need the stability. 

And – money. If your ex is poor, and money worries are the reason for the divorce, then there's no point in bleeding him dry. If you don't have a job, and there's nothing stopping you from getting one, go stand on your own two feet. That feeling of independence is truly satisfying. I, know, I've done it. I dumped my no going anywhere job, qualified in a profession, and found a publisher who wanted to publish my novels.

But if your ex is wealthy, or in a well paid job – then- 'Don't get mad – get as much of his money as you can', should be your mantra.

Never let him forget (when nobody else is around) that he did the dirty on you, and should pay for his treachery.

Weight gain, especially after having children, is another shallow excuse men give for wanting a divorce.

Instead of spending all your time making sure his life was great, you can now start taking care of you. Just think, you no longer have to cook meals for the kids and separate ones for him, because he refuses to eat fish fingers and baked beans, leaving you too tired to bother with getting a weight watching meal for yourself.

You now have control of the TV remote. No more crap shows that loosely pass as entertainment. War films - out. Chic flicks – in.

Don't let a day go passed without you telling yourself how worthwhile you are. Hold your head up high. Let the world see you for the strong assertive woman you are. More importantly – let him see that you have taken his leaving in your stride. Get him where it hurts most – his male pride. Smash his ego – just don't let anyone know what you are up to.

And whatever you do, take no notice of the patronising fuck-twat-twaddle, 'She's putting a brave face on.' coming from women you were both once friends with. They are terrified their own husbands are going to do the same thing, and bugger off. Patronising you, makes them feel better. So don't let them.

Know you are not putting a 'brave face' on your divorce. Know you don't give a shit that the two-faced git has gone. Having got used to the delights of not catering to his needs instead of your own, you are more worried that he might want to come back and inflict himself on you all over again. God forbid.

I saw a photo of my ex-husband several years after we parted. He looked old, wrinkled, washed out, scruffy (crumpled suit and mismatched socks), and onto wife number 3 – did I laugh – you bet I did.

Please don't cry because it's Saturday night, and you are alone reading my blog. Wipe the tears and think of this – nothing lasts forever, not a marriage or the pain of losing a husband who wasn't worth keeping.

You may not think all of the above is about getting even, but trust me it is. Deep in his cheating soul he wants you to care that he's gone. He wants you to feel his loss. He wants you to grieve. He wants you to want him back, just so he can say 'No. Sorry I've gone on with my life'. Well so have you. And when his ego realises that his leaving is no big deal for you – then the tables will have turned in his direction.

Smile sweetly at his world, then create a whole new, and better one for yourself, digging the emotional knife in deep, whilst you go on with your life without him.

Show him, and all on his side, and there will be sides, that you don't give a flying fuck, about him, your dead marriage and anything else – except that you have a wonderful new life - then my dear – you have won.

To help those sisters who want to go back to the slim person they were before marriage and kids took it's toll- I'm giving away my How to Stop Dieting & Get Slim – book.

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