Sex and Sensuality -

Have you lost that loving feeling?

Where does sensuality leave and sex begin?

If sex is about the body. And sensuality is about the mind. How easy is it to combine the two?

After all isn't sensuality merely an expression of love through touch, without actually having sex?

Unlike sex, sensuality can encompass many different things. The pleasure for instance you get from eating delicious food. That feeling you have when you see yourself looking sensational. These are sensual emotions that have nothing to do with sex.

Sex is about the end game. The orgasm.

You don't have to be in love with a sexual partner. I am not sure the same can be said, if you want a sensually loving relationship. Then, there has to be more than just the attraction of physical lust – love or the romantic notion of love, is an important part of a more emotionally involved partnership.

As an author who writes novels about romantic love as well as novels about explicit sex – I see a clear divide between the need for sexual fulfilment, and the romantic idea of sensuality. They are simply not the same. Sex is physical. Sensuality is a temporary idea that aides in fulfilling our carnal desires.

Men seem to write a lot more about how to be sensual than women do. Perhaps we are simply better at it, and don't have an egotistical need to prove ourselves on the subject.

And - supposing you want to be sensual without being sexy in your current relationship? Can that work? Isn't sensuality also about creating arousal. The whole point of someone getting sexually aroused, is to satiate that arousal by having sex with another human being.

Dressing up in black lacy underwear is sexually provocative rather than sensuous. Donning fishnet tights creating the illusion of sensuality for the proposes of having enjoyable sex is no bad thing. But it should not be mistaken for anything other than what it is, merely a tool to get what you want in bed. And therefore isn't actually sensuous at all. 

When love dies and the relationship becomes a habit that lingers on until one or both parties in the relationship say, 'enough', being sensual with your partner no longer matters. When the desire for sex dies along with the love– then it is more likely that the split will happen faster. Sex is a primeval urge – the urge to pass on genes by procreating. You don't need romance do to that, but you do need sex. When the sex goes, so does the relationship.

Can trying to revive the sensuality you both once shared, keep a dying relationship alive? I don't think so. Sensuality is about emotion. If there is no emotion between a couple, then it is better to admit it, move on, and find someone new. Sensuality is at the beginning of a relationship – never at the end of it.

There is a sharp increase in divorce among older couples of long term marriages. One of the reasons often cited for the split – boredom. The magic had gone out of the relationship, and there was no way to bring it back.

Scented candles and rose petals are the romantic ideals writers like me use in books. In reality – have you ever met a guy who fills the bedroom with scented candles and lays a path of rose petals to the love bed? If you have – he's a keeper. Or for as long as the romance lasts, until the burping and farting takes over. And it will.

The answer to the whole sex and sensuality thing is simple. If you are in a new relationship – indulge in as much sensuality as you can. And if that means being sexually provocative – go for it. Enjoy every sexually charged moment you can whilst the romance is still alive.

And when it's over – well you can always read one of my books and get some good ideas for your next romantic encounter with the opposite sex.

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