How to win friends and influence people.

Dale Carnegie -  






Way back in 1936 Dale Carnegie wrote a book called - How to win friends and influence people. Since the book was first published it has sold over 30 million copies world wide - probably a lot more since I read this statistic.

If you go past the old fashioned writing prose, and decipher the out of date social expressions - what he had to say makes as much sense today as it did back in 1936. 

I won't pretend it isn't a bit of a trawl to wade through the book, because quite frankly it is - but it is worth reading the whole thing right through to the end.

In fact, I'd go so far as to say, we need to practise his ideas even more today, than the people of the time when he wrote his book.

He broke the book down into 4 parts -

# 1 - Fundamental ways of handling people. 

# 2 - Ways to make people like you.

# 3 - How to win people to your way of            
        thinking.

# 4 - How to change people without giving
        offence.

Many, many, years ago I worked as a credit control officer - my outstanding debt book, to quote the Finance director of the company, was the 'sweetest' they had ever had. After only a couple of weeks working for the company I had pulled in outstanding debts worth over £1 million pounds.

How did I do this? I used dear old Dale Carnegie's methods. 

In part 1 of the book he says - If you want to gather honey don't kick over the beehive. I translated it to - You get more with honey than with vinegar. 

I remember getting told off by my immediate manager for spending too long on the phone with customers.

Remembering Dale Carnegie, I smiled, and got her to understand why I spent so much time talking to customers, when what I really wanted to say to her was, "Shut up and mind your own business, as I sure as hell know what I am doing. And if you are so good at being a manager how come the company has such a large amount of money owed to it." 

As the outstanding money came rolling in - she never complained again about the time I spent talking on the phone.

Taking the time to listen to the customers problems, and seeing how I could help them overcome their cash-flow needs, put my company on the top of their 'priority to pay' schedule.

Part 2. We all want to be liked. For some people being liked comes naturally. For others they have to work at it. My youngest son for instance is one of the 'naturals' - everyone likes him - he doesn't have to work at being popular. My eldest son however, is the opposite. He has the ability to seriously piss you off without really trying. If only he'd read How to win friends and influence people. 

What makes the difference between my two sons? My youngest son is genuinely interested in other people. My eldest son is more interested in himself, than other people. 

Part 3 of the book, helped me with my annoyed manager all those years ago. There's no point in arguing for the sake of arguing, because if you win, you lose. 

He writes in the book - a man convinced against his will is still of the same opinion. His basic concept is simple - first get your opponent on your side, then you can begin to get him/her to come around to your point of view - and even if you can't achieve this - at least you can part as friends rather than enemies. 

And of course, there's nothing wrong about admitting it when you are wrong. Saves a lot of arguments.

How do you change people without giving offence - this last part of the book is a bit misleading as it's not really about changing people's personalities. It more about how you give criticism, and how you handle being criticised. 

No one likes to be told what's wrong with them. I know someone who criticises without thinking about what he is saying or caring about the hurt he is causing, and then wonders why the person he has criticised dislikes him. I've been on the receiving end of this person's criticism. 

Did I listen to what he had to say to me - hell no, I just thought - 'Arsehole'.

The sad thing is, his criticism might have been useful, but it was the way he went about telling me where I was going wrong, that immediately stopped me seeing his point of view as useful to me. 

Constructive criticism given sincerely with good intent is way different from talking down to someone. 

I don't always managed to follow Dale Carnegie's advice, but I do try to remember to see the other person's point of view, discuss not argue, and not be a 'me' only person. 

In modern terms - if in doubt - 'shut the fuck up'.

As I said - the book is a bit of a trawl to get through, but if you take the time, and you do need to read it more than once, it can be a life changer. 

We have some great modern day positive thinking advocates, such as Tony Robbins - 

with some fabulous life transforming ideas
but there's something special about Dale Carnegie.

Perhaps it was his ability to overcome all the difficult challenges of the 1930's. His own personal, and financial hardships, the great depression - the world on the brink of war, he overcame all of this to write one of the best-selling books of all time. And I for one, will always be grateful to him.