Beware - The Judas Friend

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Most of us have had one at one time or another, a friend who says one thing to your face, and something completely different behind your back to other people . Some of us are lucky and never have a 'Judas Friend' - me - I've had two. Both totally unexpected. Then again, looking back, neither of them was that unexpected at all. 

Finding out that I had a 'Judas Friend' - hit me where it hurts the most. In my thinking that our friendship was real. When a friendship didn't actually exist. 

How do you emotionally handle being stabbed in the back? Not easy. But it's doable. 

What makes a person pretend to be your friend when in reality they are very far from being a friend? I think, 9 times out of 10, it comes down to jealousy.


You have something they don't.

A boyfriend/husband.
A better figure.
A better Job
A better house.

Just about anything can make someone jealous of you. 

So how to spot the signs that you have a jealous -non friend?

It's not that difficult, if you know what you are looking for. That said, don't blame yourself, if like me, you get totally surprised when you get stabbed in the back.

Sign #1 -  Verbal Vomit -

False praise is a sure sign someone is jealous of you. You can be sure the minute you are out of sight, they will retract to whoever is listening, the compliments they have just given you. 

It is essential when recognising a two-faced friend's verbal vomit not to let on that you have sussed them out.  

Sign # 2 - The Put Down -

Having plied you with insincere compliments, they will then proceed to downplay the achievement they were complimenting you about. Giving reasons like, it was a fluke or that you probably wouldn't be able to do it again.  Rudeness and condensation go hand in hand with sign number 2.

Sign # 3 - One upmanship -

Having complimented you on your success they then go about telling you that they are more successful than you. Why? Because they are not more successful than you. Quite the opposite.

Sign # 4 - The Copycat - 

With this aspect of jealousy, you might begin to think you have been cloned. The copycat will start using phrases you habitually use. They take on your clothes style. Copying is a sign of someone feeling inadequate. That, and having no originality of their own.

Sign # 5 - 

They constantly try to compete with you. Annoying, but easily dealt with. Simply refuse to be drawn into participating. 

Sign # 6 - The Critic -

Everything you do or don't do, they will criticise you. Accept constructive criticism (though you won't get any from a 'Judas Friend') - and totally ignore negative criticism for what it is. Jealousy. 

Sign # 7 - Celebrating your failures -

We all screw up from time to time. It's natural. You learn by your mistakes. Anyone who doesn't want to help you get up again when you have fallen over - avoid this sort of person like the plague. 

Sign # 8 - The Snake - 

Talking behind someone's back is a really shitty thing to do.  The spreader of gossip is harder to detect. You don't always find out until after the social damage has been done. The best way to deal with this. Tell them you know what they are doing - chances are they won't like being confronted and will back off. 

Apart from being jealousy of you - there is another reason for this two-faced behaviour. Your 'Judas Friend' - hates you.

No matter that you haven't done anything to incur this, your 'Judas Friend' hates you because they feel inadequate to you. And we come full circle back to jealousy.

That's their problem. Not yours. Your problem is making sure you see the signs and keep well away from that type of non friend. 

Of course, the person who is your 'Judas Friend' could be a work colleague. Success in a career will always bring with it jealousy - learning how to handle this, is part of being successful. Try to build bridges with the person concerned. 

Make good work-place relationships with your other co-workers. Let them know you are part of the team - and not out to shine at their expense. 

A good company will take emotional bullying very seriously. So make sure your immediate boss is aware of the situation. If it is your immediate boss who is the cause of the problem - then make allies higher up the pay-grade. 

 It is better to say goodbye to a friendship, even a long term one, than to remain friends and find yourself on the receiving end of a 'Judas'.

If you think you are the victim of a 'Judas Friend' - my advice -

Give them the finger.

Give them the bird - but don't give them the opportunity to do you down. Walk away from the so called friendship - and don't look back. 

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