Alone doesn't have to mean - lonely

It doesn't matter how you have been thrust into singleship – divorce or the breakdown of a long-term relationship. Either way, you are now on your own. Nor does it matter what age you are, what matters to you, is you are no longer in a partnership. Your support structure is gone, and that can be scary. Especially if the split wasn't your idea in the first place.

Living the singleton life does not have to be scary, and it doesn't mean you have to be lonely.

There are a lot of things you can to do, to make your new singleton status a pleasure, and not a chore.

Joining clubs to get to know people is obvious. The one thing you do need, is a positive state of mind, to project yourself in the right way, so that others want to get to know you when you do get back to the dating scene.

Not all men snore, but a helluva lot do. So with no one making a noise like a freight train next to you – at least you are going to get a peaceful nights sleep, which is very important when you want to project a self-assured image.

A plus on cold winter nights, no more struggling to stay warm because he's wrapped up snug as a bug, while you shiver. The duvet's all yours!

You can sit up late into the night reading without someone moaning beside you that they can't sleep, – or while you are trying to concentrate on your book they start watching the bedroom TV, when there's a screen in another room. 

You can have a beautiful feminine bedroom. 

With more space in the wardrobes and cupboards for your things.

Single means you can do what you want – where you want – when you want.

You can walk around your home stark naked without the fear he's going to bring home one of his friends, without letting you know first.

You get to choose what to watch on TV. And his ghastly choice in films is blissfully a thing of the past.

No more making compromises that are one sided – his.

You want to eat salad, and not much else – great, you can.

Whether you mean to or not – it is so easy for a woman to fall into the trap of 'looking after your man' – in other words – being his servant.

As much as we kid ourselves that we are modern women, and that he does his fair share of everything – does he? Does he really? When you break it down – chances are he doesn't do his fair share of anything. 

Women are great pleaser's – it's in our nature to nurture – and it is in men's nature to take full advantage of this part of us. And when he does do something, often as not, he expects high praise for doing something you do every day automatically.

Not having to constantly say – 'oh thank you for being so good to me '- when he's done the smallest thing – is such a relief.

And - no mess everywhere. No stinking trainers chucked wherever they land for you to smell – it's potpourri all the way girls.

And don't forget the bathroom – is all YOURS.

Aroma therapy candles, hot bubble baths, relaxation music, and no one banging on the door wanting to go for a pee.

The loo seat stays firmly down. The toilet paper replaced when it runs out, ready and waiting for when you need it most. No toenail clippings on the toilet lid. No yucky stubble shavings in the sink. 

Your time is your own – probably the most valuable thing about being a single – you are in complete control of your own life.

So he didn't like some of your girlfriends – who cares – not you any more. Didn't you have to put up with his boorish friends? Well you don't have to now that he is no longer in your world.

You want a dog or cat. Get one. You couldn't stand the smell of his dog, well that's gone. His cat scratched the furniture – no more.

Whilst loneliness is something not to be taken lightly – and being on your own can get lonely – if you create for yourself a positive outlook, no longer being one of a couple, is a problem that can be overcome.

That takes us back to joining clubs that cater for the things you are interested in.  Or maybe a gym. It's a good way to meet like minded people.

And there's internet dating – the chances of meeting a life-partner via an on-line dating service is very high.

There is nothing you can't achieve for yourself. So what if he caught the spiders – you can buy a spider catcher. You shouldn't mourn for the loss of a bad relationship because you are frightened of what might or might not be.

The relationship has ended. Throw away all that emotional baggage that is stopping you getting on with your life.

He/she has walked out. You have walked out on he/she – either way – it's over – time to move forward and put the past behind you.
If you are the one who has been walked out on, your self-esteem will hurt. It's never easy being the one left behind, I know, it happened to me. 

I didn't just get on with my life, I changed my life for the better.

Looking back – the ending of that relationship was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Don't think of yourself as the failure. It is the person who has left, who is the failure.

They have failed to communicate.

Failed to tell you that something's wrong.

Failed to be able to commit long-term.

Failed to see that by communicating their relationship troubles,  they could have a productive future with you.

And worst of all. They have failed to see the worth in you.

What if it's you whose doing the leaving?

If you tried to get your discontented issues across to your partner, and they failed to listen, leaving you no choice but to go – then the same applies. It is their failure, not yours.

Change the word you use from I'm single to – yippee I'm FREE!!!

It's how you view the ending of your relationship that will determine how successful you are without it.

Don't see his/her, walking away from you as a loss, see it as a new beginning. A positive challenge that's going to give you a more flexible, more creative, more interesting, and a more fulfilling life, than one you had with someone who didn't want to be with you. 

You'll know you have succeeded in throwing off the shackles of your breakup pain, when girlfriends, who you think are in happy relationships, confide in you – they wished they were you -because you look happy, and content with your life.

Sex can be a fun thing –  that doesn't need to have emotional strings attached to it – if you don't want it to. After all it's you who is in control of your life and the choices you make - no one else. 

Being your own emotional boss  can make all the difference when you enter into a new relationship. It can mean the difference between another breakup or keeping a long-term happy partnership with someone who is able to communicate their feelings to you. Someone, who in turn listens to what you have to say, thereby  giving you both the confidence to talk through with each other any possible relationship problems.

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