noodle soup -
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Noodle Soup - is a satirical novel deliciously poking fun at institutions that deserved to be poked fun at. Warmongers, arms manufacturers, tyrannical bureaucracy, and absurd religious mania, all get the Noodle Soup treatment.
Abandoned on Earth as a baby, Nick Abbott, has no idea who he really is, until the day after his eighteenth birthday when he wakes up with a hangover and a green alien, named Ratofark, sitting at the end of his bed. He's from a distant galaxy, and he's got superpowers. Along with a brother and sister he never knew he had, he's expected to bring peace and harmony to a chaotic cosmos. It's going to take cunning, guile and all his superpowers. And as his brother and sister are useless at saving anything, saving the universe is up to him.
Wormholes. Weird aliens. Amazing planets - and - Styxx Merg vinn Gelden, President of THE ULTRA DEATH WEAPONS COMPANY - are not going to make saving the universe easy.
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THE ULTRA DEATH WEAPONS COMPANY, has a single despotic aim. To make as many various types of weapons, causing, death annihilation, dismemberment, and complete destruction of life, limb, and property, as it is possible to make in a full working week of nine Galgorian days. Five consecutive shifts, toiled away in a thirty eight hour Galgorian cycle creating weapons of mass destruction.
Award ceremonies were held to celebrate the hard working efforts of the industriously zealous employees. Pictures of their smiling faces were pinned up on the 'Employee of the Month' notice boards over an uplifting motto, like, 'The multi-functional triballistic blaster gun is our friend...it sells well! Build it strong, build it fast, build it lethal.
or
'Universal annihilation is good for you and your family. Help annihilate the universe!'
or
'War means not waiting for orders...keep the production line moving.'
or
'War not peace.
“But they trade with the Union.” The First Prime blustered.
“Yes – but they are not a member of the union. They only trade with the UP. They had a referendum, and decided to give the UP, the scaly thumbs down, or in their case, talons down. Apparently full scale worm-holing would contaminate the planet's atmosphere. And as they are very dependent on the rain forests for their breathing, the government of Arbol decided to give joining the union the old heave ho.” This was news to the First Prime.
“They trade with the union. How come? And how come I wasn't informed?”
“The then union president made a back door deal, so to speak. I didn't know, you didn't know.”
“Well I don't.”
“It is the sort of knowledge that everyone in the union parliament knows about, but pretends it never happened. Stops all the other planets wanting the same deal. ”
Just about everybody from just about everywhere - except from where the tablet originally came from - came to see the miracle prophesy the tablet brought with it.
Gerrend's tablet had been found by Murry Mugvenger, the then village water wincher. He'd held the tablet aloft crying out, “Behold the truth is spoken. I will make a fortune.”
At least that’s what his friends were sure he said. Murry of course, denied saying any such thing. His version went, I held aloft the Tablet of Truth as given to me, and said, “Behold the truth is spoken and we are most fortunate.”
Believe which version you prefer, but Murry did make an awful lot of money, and he did become the first, High Brother of the Children of the Light. The religion that he was personally responsible for forming.
Noodle Soup is pure fantasy from the dark recesses of my over active imagination - oh yeah - and the actions of world leaders and institutions that think they know what's good for us - and unscrupulous weapons sales - and the daft merry-go-round that is our world at the moment. I pray for change, but in the meantime I'm busy writing the sequel to Noodle Soup - not sure of the title yet - but here's the opening page -
Chapter 1
Ants. What's everything really about? It's all about ants.
Black ants. Brown ants. Red ants. Fire ants. White ants. Although technically, white ants are Termites, but they amount to the same thing. And ants, in all descriptions, are no different from each other.
Like all socio economic groupings ants have a class structure. Solider ants, keep order, to stop the masses from rebellion. Worker ants, spend their days slaving away for the benefit of others higher up. And top of the food chain. The Queen Ant, surrounded by male ants called drones, all wanting a piece of the action, ready and willing to help her breed thousands of little ants.
In all the dimensions, galaxies, universes, and any other plane of existence you can think of, the life-forms inhabiting them, run their socio economic groupings along the same lines as ants.
The First Prime, thought he was the Queen Ant, of Gris-Alta's socio economic grouping, only to find out he wasn't even in drone territory.
Arkok Wonko, his personal assistant, and self appointed head of E.D.I.C.T. Extraordinary Department for Investigations into Corruptive Transgressions, had just given the First Prime some very disturbing news.
This unexpected piece of enlightenment did not sit well with him. He felt challenged.
Osgood, was so old he couldn't remember his last name. He also couldn't remember how long he had been First Prime of the High Council, and President of the Union of Planets. Somewhere around three, maybe four, millennium. He wasn't sure. He was sure of one thing though. His indispensable relevance, to the entire political structure of the cosmos. It never occurred to the First Prime that others might think differently.
The lower chamber of the Union of Planets, the life-forms that actually did the day to day running of the Union had become more powerful than him.
He wanted his power back. All he had to do, was think of a way of getting it.
“What are you doing here?” Osgood snarled venomously, spit glistening on his fangs. Having just found out, he'd acquired drone status, the First Prime was not in a mood to greet guests. Especially uninvited ones who were supposed to be as far away from Gris-Alta, and him, as possible.
Eland walked through the wall of the First Prime's inner sanctum, with a broad smile stretched across his face, and a strong desire to get even.
“Well it's nice to see you too.” He chirped. Feeling chirpy.
The First Prime was an astute being. Eland levitating up from the floor, and sprawling casually just above desk level, told his quick brain that something about him had changed. Emerging through walls, and walking on air was not a talent an idiot teenager from Earth had as a general rule.
The First prime got a realisation thunder-bolt, and the feeling he needed the toilet A-SAP – not necessarily in that order. The realisation thunder-bolt told him, he may have made a very large miscalculation in the Trio of Three department.
Crap, and does the little shit have to smirk so much, and I need one, in that order, thought the First Prime.
“Excuse me. I'll be back in a moment,” he said heading for his private bathroom.
The First Prime straddled his executive toilet bowl, stuck his poo pipe in the slot provided and worked his furtive brain as fast as his thinking process would allow.
It is a well known fact that you can get a lot of good ideas when sitting on the toilet doing a number two or in the First Prime's case, standing.
The First Prime, was no exception to this phenomena. A brilliant idea came to him in a flash, as he flushed his solids down the drain...................................................................
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