DIVORCED and loving it.

 

This article is not about giving advice of what to do after a split with your partner, other than the obvious - make the split amicable, don't bad mouth your ex to the kids - keep them neutral. Oh and yeah - make sure you get your fair share of everything.

Other than that this article is dedicated to the joy of no longer being married to a person, you should not have married in the first place.

When I was first married, divorce was both difficult and expensive. I had to pay for my divorce by instalments. I was granted costs at my court hearing but my ex-husband never paid, so I had to. If he's reading this article, which I doubt, hey buddy you owe me, adding interest I reckon several thousand pounds. 

Today getting divorced is a whole different ball game. For one it costs less and is not so bureaucratic, it's still not that cheap, lawyers haven't given up the idea of charging high fees, but compared to how much it used to cost, divorce is more affordable today.

Check out this site Easy on Line Divorce it explains the divorce process in easy to understand stages, the costs involved etc.

So you dumped your ex and you are now living on your own, if you don't have kids that is. With kids divorce it is different. So this article is concentrating on the newly single, non parent. And as this blog is for women, yeah it is gender specific, I am assuming your ex is either male. That's not say your ex isn't a female.

The up-side is you are no longer with someone you can't stand the site. What happened? You loved him. He was wonderful. Where did he go? He got married. 

A study done in 2023 by the American College of Cardiology - discovered married men live longer than single men - as any married woman she could have told them that married men get the better deal in life. This article in Brides - magazine - is short but to the point, and confirms to me what I already thought - married men have simply replaced their mothers with another woman to look after them. Not saying all men don't pull their weight when it comes to housework etc - but there's loads of articles on line that say they don't. I'm not going to list the articles - way too many - but the average consensus is a 65% to 35% split - the 35% being male. And even if they don't create more housework than you, it sure feels like it when you are clearing up someone else's mess. 

Next time you go into your bathroom, and there are no tiny black dots in the sink that were once clinging to your husband's face, or toothpaste smears on your clean towel, ask yourself - don't you just love the thought that the bathroom is yours and yours alone? Take candles for instances. Candles are only small things, but they can create big arguments. Candles around the bathtub, especially nice smelling ones, are an essential when it comes to relaxing in hot bubbly suds. They help to create a spa like atmosphere, they are not, as I have been told on many occasions an unnecessary waste of money when it is lot easier to just switch on the light. This causes, any well adjusted woman to point out that he is being a miserly prat. Or similarly words that are not as polite. No need to go into depth about the toilet seat, we all know what I'm talking about. 

The next room on the list of, thank god he's gone, rooms, is the bedroom.  

If your ex suffers from allergies, ie: constant sneezing, canopies and soft furnishing are out, and that means anything that is remotely fluffy and lovely to have in bed with you is banished even from your side. The complete absence of socks, underpants and other various dirty clothing that should have, but never did make it to the linen bin is now a thing of the past. As to the bed being empty, no problem, you can have as many soft, fluffy, furry, squishy and non snoring bed partners as you please. You can read for as long as you like. Listen to music, as loud as you like, and fall asleep without waking up in a panic because you've left your bedside light on.

The next room that is blissfully free of male dominated clutter, the living room. By male dominated clutter I mean anything, from motor parts to electrical hobbies, tissues, usually used for those with allergies, and anything and everything that the selfish bastard used to leave around getting in your way.

The kitchen, it goes without saying, is now clearer, cleaner and old leftover food odour free, either in the fridge or on the counter waiting for you to put it in the rubbish bin. 

Your new free living space, is but one joy of no longer being married. There are others that deserve equal space here.

The pub is out. The wine bar is in. Girls nights out are no longer frowned upon, should you do the unthinkable and invite your friends home for a night cap. He's friends, of course, are free to come around anytime. 

Shopping this is a big one. When I say, shopping, I am naturally talking about - clothes! 

Some men are good at shopping. Some men are not. If you are divorced, about to be or just want to be, I'm guessing your ex - fits in the not category. No more sour looks when you don't buy in the first shop you go into because you want to see if there's something you might like better in a second shop. No more, "You sure it's not too small for you?" or "Looks a bit young for your age." I could go on, but why? You've had 'em all, all the cruel intentional or unintentional remarks that hurt you, and made you feel small inside. Now you can go from shop to shop, buy nothing, and feel not the slightest bit of pressure if you do nothing but window shop. Bliss.

How many times have you made a suggestion of what you thought was a good idea only to have it met with disparaging comments? And have that thing that you would like to do, never happens because you were trying to be part of a relationship? 

The films you watched and hated. The music that grated on your nerves. The constant television noise that stopped you reading a book in peace. And god forbid if you wanted to read a book in bed. 

And then there was the sex that was so one sided - his not yours. He came. You didn't. He turned over. You stayed awake and frustrated. You can now have one on one sex in the privacy of your singly occupied bedroom, without being disturbed. Bliss. 

Don't fear your evenings alone - cherished them as time well spent in doing exactly what you want to do. 

You come home from work, you are tired and don't feel like cooking - so you don't. Instead you run a hot bubbly bath, with candles on every available space, you soak in the tub with, if you fancy it, a glass of wine, whilst you wait for your take-out to arrive. Sound good. Having relaxed and eaten, you switch on your television, but only if you want to, you watch your favourite program without the constant interference of someone talking to you because they don't want to watch what you do. Then again you may want to listen to music, you like classical or jazz or funk, before it had to be pop or rap, not now. Or you may just want to lay back, close your eyes and revel in the peace of your independence.

You have lost nothing - does not matter who left who - either way it was an unhappy relationship. To quote a cliche - there's plenty more fish in the sea. Here's the sound of waves just to remind you that when you are ready, this time, your true will come your way.