Don't let the past rule the present

We all do it - go over an event after the fact. Telling ourselves what we should have or should not have said or done. Too late - the past is the past and you can't change it. Beating yourself up about a situation that no longer exists has only one affect - it hurts you internally. 

All those embarrassing moments you keep going over - that serve no purpose other than to embarrass you all over again. 

No matter how far in the past these incidents were you just keep letting them spoil your day for you.

That time when someone hurt your feelings or made you feel angry or caused you to wish the ground would open up and swallow you moment. Well I have to tell you - all that is in the past and the past can no longer hurt you - if you don't let it. 

If you are looking back you miss the opportunities that are in front of you. Sounds like a cliche, but it's not; it is the truth. Going back over old troubles solves nothing, all it does is to keep reminding your subconscious mind that in are in emotional pain, and when it thinks you are in emotional pain, often your mind will create physical pain to take your thoughts away from your unhappiness. The subconscious mind is not logical. But then going over something that you cannot change isn't logical either. Re-embarrassing yourself, getting angry, hating what happened achieves nothing, other than create more anger, more embarrassment, making you feel bad yet again. It's a vicious cycle and totally non-productive.

We all do and say stupid things. Things we wish we never said or did. Things that as much as we would like to, we cannot change. So stop beating yourself up over what has happened and start living a life free of guilt, shame, worry or anger - you don't need negative emotions, they are destructive to your well being.

Chances are the people you were with when you had your embarrassing moment have forgotten all about it, they are too preoccupied with their own red cheek moments to remember yours. 

One day whilst going over, yet again, an embarrassing moment, I had an epiphany - it came to me that I could not remember the names of the people involved nor could I remember what they looked like, all I remembered was being embarrassed by something. 'What am I doing?' I asked myself, and got the answer back, 'Wasting your time in a useless thoughts.' 

You can't change the past, you can only learn from it, throw the bad memories away, if you don't they eat away at you. Dwelling on the past is just a habit, and like all habits it can be broken. 

My mother used to say , 'Sticks and stone may hurt your bones but words will never harm you.' She was wrong. She was very wrong. Words can hurt you and the memory of the words that hurt you can last for a very long time. The person who said the awful things to you in all probability have forgotten their cruelty, by keeping their words alive inside you, they and their spite continues win over and over again. 

I can think of many times when I have been emotionally hurt, and for a longtime I wasted precious time in going over all the hurt that person caused me, so much so that I developed chronic pain. And for what? What did it achieve, apart from me hurting myself? It achieved nothing other than years of constant pain in my body brought on by my mind because of the thoughts I was generating.

Forgiving yourself and forgiving others for the unhappy memories of the past is truly liberating.  

If you want to become full - let yourself be empty - Lao Tzu from the Tao te Ching. 

 My translation - Let yourself be free of the negative emotions that burden you down, and open yourself up to all the possibilities that freeing your mind from the emptiness of self-doubt gives.

 Since I stopped going over all the daft things I've said and done, and relegated them to the back part of my mind that I no longer visit, I am amazed at how different I feel. I am more positive and more confident and certainly much more relaxed in my day to day life. I've thrown off so much emotional baggage, I now take each day as it comes without worrying about what I might do or say. It seems to me the less concerned you are about something, the less likely it is to happen. That doesn't mean I won't say or do something foolish in the future - but I won't beat myself up over it afterwards - and that gives me the confidence to be my authentic self.

Next time you sense your mind bringing up an unwanted past memory - say to yourself, 'You are not being helpful mind - just go away - and take this thought with you.' Let the thought pass and get on with your life - it worked for me.